Im not getting hitched but...

Has anyone been to lately?
I have to say, I really enjoy this site, whether or not I'm seeing anyone. I love to look at all the sweet stuff that couples can get. Not to mention, if you just sign up, you get loads of coupons and discounts on things.

Did you know, for example, there is absolutely no reason to go buy large bridal guides at the store? They have a great section just for bridal gowns, where you can search by designer, style, and price. They also have sections where you can see the latest trends in cakes, listings of local cakeries, and you can search for rings all in one easy to use site. Not to mention all the nifty extras that make planning weddings so fun: the flowers, the invitations, planning the shower and bachelorette party.

There are also testimonials and ideas from "Real Weddings." Folks who have used the site and all it has to offer to create their dream wedding. There's another section for "Maids and Moms" all just for planning the perfect showers, with fun games, themes, and even etiquette tips.

I personally enjoyed the 6 gift-giving tips. As a person who has several family members and friends getting married in succession, I needed to know how much to spend, and whether I had to give a shower AND a wedding gift. Apparently, I do. Oh, and PS: no vibrators at showers when there are mixed ages or co-eds involved. Guess I better keep those to myself. ;)

I also learned that there are some weird superstitions. Like, the third gift opened, is the next girl pregnant. How funny...Mine was first, so it will be first to be used. The third one opened was already pregnant! I could not help but chuckle when I read that. I'll have to remember never to have my gift opened third.

They even had a section entitled, "How to Deal with a Difficult Bride." One of my friends is getting married next year. She has already begun making demands on her Maid of Honor, from hair, to makeup, to how she will have her dress carried down the aisle. With a year to go, I'm not sure my girl is gonna make it to the wedding without killing the bride. So, I'll be pointing her to this article, as well as those on "Bride Etiquette."

One of the greatest aspects of the site is it gives you a helpful section specifically for Wedding Planning. You can create a budget, make a checklist, create a guestlist, and keep a notebook, all online. Whereas something like this once would have required a large binder, full of images and notes all falling out, it's now all together in one place.

There is even an engagement ring builder so, if he hasn't popped the question, and you'd like to show your girls what you want...well, now's the time to let them know! One of my friend's I expect to be engaged in the next few months. So, I have sent her the website and the ring builder. I want to know what she wants! I have a feeling her man (wonderful though he is), will definitely need a bit of help.

All in all, TheKnot.com is a great website. It provides loads of great information, and has great advice. But don't forget to use your own common sense in the long run. For example, if your best friend is a baker, have her create 2 large sheet cakes, and get a small wedding cake for show. If you are going to have a bachelorette party and you have money, but most of your friends don't, do not go out to some super-expensive club or go bar-hopping. Stick to what they (and you) can afford. To be honest, it's all about a little give and take - weddings are really for those involved. TheKnot has tried to make it fun, and stress-free for all.

my next tattoo...

Have just created my next tattoo. Sounds odd, but, since I can't draw, I used a few creative resources from online.
I discovered that artist Amy Brown had a fairie called "Forget Me Not."
The Forget me Not, as many may know, is used as a reminder for soldiers. My grandfather used to keep a fake one in his car at all times, as he was always remembering his brothers in arms. Both grandfathers served in WWI and WWII. So, I decided it was time to find a great quote for those I have lost. I settled on one from, of all things, Peter Pan. It comes from the play, when Tink is dying. She says to him, "You know that
place between sleep & awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you...that's where I'll be waiting."
I thought that was beautiful. So, sadly, I'm going to
cover up my dearest fairie on my back with a new one, with the quote.
And underneath, I'm going to have written in Polish, "Kocham i przepuszcaja was Babcia, Dziadek, i Matka. " (I love and miss you, Grandma, Grandpa, and Mom). It's a dedication to my grandparents and to my "Other" Mom who passed from cancer.
Let me know what you think of the image I created...I'm sure the artist will fix the lettering.
But I really like it as it stands. I've never been one for random tats...so, this one really means something. As I am sharing this with everyone, I would appreciate if you didn't immediately steal my idea.
Find your own fairie that means something important to you...Get your own quote (Personally, someone reminded me how much I loved Peter Pan, so I found a different quote by a whole other character, and I'm glad I did).
If you have any ideas or suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

my job roxor ur soxors...

I hate to say it, but as much as it kills my legs, I actually missed working in the bookstore environment. The only real reason I left the other bookstore was for another job.
I love books. I always have. No one will convince me that there is anything better than taking a stack of brand new books, with their new book smell, and placing them into a shelf, carefully placing them by author, into a specialized category, and subcategory. It fulfills my desire to see every new book that comes in, to touch every book possible, as well as that neurosis inside that says, "FIX THE SHELF!!" LMAO!
I absolutely hated working with clothing. But books - we have a special bond. I can sell a book. I can sell a book, I can sell an author...not only that, I can sell a discount card, just because I can tell who is your common average reader, versus the super-reader. The person who just comes in, meanders, and has a hard time choosing is more likely to sign up for the card. And they are also more likely to pay a little extra to enhance their reading experience.
But people who hate to read, who only buy a book when they must...forget it. They aren't buying it.
Today, I realized just how many tv shows and movies were created from books. And I have officially made it one the things to do before I die: I will read the novel form of as many films and tv shows as possible before seeing it. If not, I will proceed to read it as soon as possible after seeing it. For example: I'm in the middle of the new HBO Miniseries, "Generation Kill." I'm quite impressed with it. However, never having been in the military, I dunno what's going on. But, I am going to now read the book. We have ONE copy in our store. We also have "Secret Diary of a Call Girl." I'll be reading that as well.
I have also grown quite attached to the Biography and History sections of the store. Perhaps it's the pretty covers. Maybe it's the subject matter. I'm not sure...I think maybe one day, I'd like to write my own historical novel. Maybe be the female David McCullogh (of "John Adams" and "1776" fame). Let's just say, it will have nothing to do with American history, and I will focus on strong, female leads. Could be good. Could be very good.
As I said...I love the bookstore...as much as I love a good book.
Well, almost.

What's Goin On...

So, I've instituted a few new things:
1. I will becoming more active on this blog, as I'd like it to be my more prominent one.
2. If you notice, I have a few RSS feed links - go check them out. They are really great writers.
3. For those great writers, I now have a "Who's that girl" award. I would like to focus mainly on female bloggers. This is not to say that men have nothing of note to say (see WWdN!), however, I think that there are many women out there changing the world, one blog at a time, without any recognition. I will definitely be creating more. But I'm going to see how this first one goes. :)
4. I have joined a site that pays for my blogging. Honestly, as much as I have to say, why not!? For too long have we been sitting and writing for free. It's time the net worked for us, right? Capitalism should be working for me.
5. NO MORE BLACK!! I will be happy and bright. LOL!!

Anyway...that's all for now. I'll probably have a post later.
For now, it's off to laundry duty.

Notes on a man-dal

Flustrating.
That would be the word (yeah yeah, I know it's not a real word...but still).
He's just so...grr!
I know that you have to get along with the best friend. But really...does the best friend have to be a girl? A pretty girl at that? And a pretty girl that every guy drools over? Seriously.
Not only that, but it seems like they have something going on...you know, one of those, "I'm not taken, you aren't taken, so we'll do what we need to get ours til we have someone" relationships. That tells me they may as well date. But one or both haven't committed.
Frankly, I'm not willing to go back down that pathway. I made that mistake once, with a fiancee and his female best friend. Yah, they are married now. Forget that.

Last night, I purposefully did not get all pissy. I purposefully was nice, to him, to her (well, especially to her). So, tell me how trying to use the "sugar not vinegar" technique didn't work. It always works. I'm not quite following this.
Seriously, do we only work if we are arguing, or competitive, with each other? Is that really what does it for us? Honestly, I think that is proof just how toxic a relationship could feasibly be.

Men: can't live with em and ya just can't shoot em.

On another note, should I get this hair cut? I'm a huge fan of the pixie cut, with a razored edge. And my hair has grown out way way way too much. So, I'm thinkin the old school Natalie Imbruglia. I think that's wa'ssup. Maybe I'll even go a dark brown for it...never know.

Well Happy Fucking Birthday to me.

Today is my 28th birthday.
And I am utterly alone.
Well, I should say, it is me and the dog.
People have texted. They've left messages on MySpace. Which is all well and good.
However, for once in my life, I really wanted to do it up right. I've never had a huge birthday shindig. I mean, yeah, when I was little, I had all the girls in my class for cake and slumber parties. But really - since I've hit the age of 21, I've done shit.
People love for me to come to their little get togethers. They love that I think of them, finding small little gifts, even if they are inexpensive, that just made me think of them.
But can these people be bothered to come out to our bar, buy me a drink, and actually look me in the face to wish me a good year? No.
Fact of the matter: there are few people in this world that actually give a rat's ass about you. If you have a few best friends who would take a bullet for you, treasure them. Keep them close. Because they are the ones who make the shitty birthdays and holidays feel better.
Maybe I've gotten more cynical over the years. But how can I not, when I purposefully invited all these people two weeks ago. They all said, "Yeah! I'll be there!" I purposefully made sure it would be someplace everyone could get to by car, that they knew where it was...and of course...they are all flaking out. Yet again, it is me. Even my truest, best friends can't really come out, due to work or various other reasons.
I feel like just screaming: FUCK YOU! to every single person I've ever given a gift to. Ever made a last minute card stop for, ever bothered to buy a beer on their day. Because at least my ass was there.
So, here it is:
to those of you who just blew me off like a piece of shit:
FUCK YOU.
And never expect any more from me on your days than just showing the fuck up. If I decide to do that.
To my girls: I know what your reasons are. And you have already made shit up to me ten times over. Besides, isn't it about time we celebrated Christmas?

make up your mind!

Well, another week down, and I'm still kinda irritated "The Admiral" and I haven't gotten to hang out yet. He was supposed to come over and chill today. We "text chatted" for hours last night. I have no idea what to expect from this man. One minute, he's all about me. The next, I'm being ignored.
I always believed that if a person was really into you, they would make every effort to try to be with you. But I guess 20-something guys haven't gotten that particular memo.

There are some days when I really question what is going on with these young men. Do they get some sort of sick, twisted pleasure, thinking that we are always going to be waiting? I mean, I hate to tell him this but, I have other options. I just had him at the top of the list. But it feels like he just doesn't give a shit. Thus, I feel I ought to just leave him be, and move on.

Men today seem to be given way too much choice. I have news: SO DO I!! And if you aren't going to make a decision about me, one way or another...I'm going to select from Column B...and maybe a little from Columns C, D, and E...

another simon pegg movie!

I can't wait to see this movie...I love Simon Pegg!
How to Lose Friends annd Alienate People Trailer
by mamouang

Damnit!

So the person I was supposed to go out with tonite had to cancel. And I understand. Once 3 people call out, it is inevitable that someone has to pick up the slack and close. At which point, the only thing you want to do at 10pm is go home and sleep.

But, we have history, and we have never dated, or slept together. The history goes as such: I was seeing someone for about a month. He (I'll call him "The Admiral") and I connected the night we met. Talking and drinking, leading to a hell of a make-out session. See each other again, repeat actions. This has been going on for about 9 months now. We cannot leave each other alone. He even met my boyfriend once, and ended up buying him a drink...on purpose. Thought it was quite amusing.
When I broke up with my ex, he was back with his ex, whom I also had the "pleasure" of meeting. Needless to say, it was obvious we neither of us were quite happy in our relationships.

The truth is, no one has made my stomach flip like this person does in a very long time. My friends don't understand it. I'm sure they can't stand him...correction...they canNOT stand him. I'm sure it's because he is a cocky bastard.
But this is the first person to make me feel vulnerable in a long time. The first (male) person to just accept me, no questions asked. I'm treading on weird territory. I'm just not sure where to go with this.
He challenges me, he frustrates me, he is the first person I've been able to look in the face and not be able to just read immediately. It's very rare when I can't read someone immediately. He is a complicated person. Now granted, he has his moments when I want to slam his head into a wall. But, really...I don't think there's a person on the planet who has ever NOT wanted to do that to the person they are with.

But seriously - how can there be that much of a connection with someone that I barely know? I sound crazy when I say this but, I'm drawn to him - like a magnet to metal. I just want to be near him all the time. And not in that "I need him" type way. But in that, "I just like the way he feels, and smells, and the way he makes me feel" kind of way. Almost as though he's a drug, a habit I can't quite kick.

I don't like that feeling - that full vulnerability, the idea that I could possibly be that exposed so easily. That it makes you tell them the truth about how you feel, rather than hide it, and play coy, playing those games that come so easily to some women. I can't be like that. I live in my head so much. I can't hide that kind of raw emotion.

To be honest, he's one of the many reasons I left my now ex-boyfriend. And after doing so, I found out he'd gone back to his ex. I just felt I couldn't live with the "what if" factor anymore. I have to know what it would be like with him. As if the sexual draw isn't difficult enough to maintain (because frankly, he exudes sex...at least to me). Add into that how much he appeals to my brain...It's hard being a woman around that man.

I don't know how to feel right now. I'm torn between wanting to scream at him, "Come over! Let's just get it over with!" and having the patience to wait it out. I mean, we waited it out before. Right? But can I continue to just keep biding my time with randoms while I wait on him?

I had another offer for tonight too. A full night of anything - movie, dinner, cuddling on a sofa - whatever, with another man. A wonderful man. Who would do anything for me. The question is, should I take up "Mr. Wonderful" over "The Admiral" tonight. We are always taught, "Don't put your eggs in one basket." I've been talking to "Mr. Wonderful" for over a week. "The Admiral" has only been randomly over the last 9 months. And it took 4 months since our last meeting before last Thursday.

I think I'll take up "Mr. Wonderful" tonight on his offer, see how it goes. Maybe I've put too much pressure on "The Admiral," built him up, put him on a pedestal. Then again, I could just be trying to hide myself because he sees me for exactly for what I am.

Things I Already Knew...

Well, I think it is safe to say, I already knew all of this.

I mean, how many quizzes can I take that are going to all tell me the same thing? I like sex. I enjoy sex, and I won't apologize for being adventurous in the sack. I guess there are some things that just need to be restated...again and again and again.

Oh well. I can't write long today. I'm having an actual date tonight. I'm going out with a young man who has sworn he will treat me like a lady. And so far, I've gotten none of what I wanted to do accomplished before I go. So, off to polish some wood...no joke, I'm waxing my mother's cabinets today.

*sigh*...the things we will do for money.

Your result for The 20 Question Sexual Experience Test...

Rebel

You are 70% sexually experienced. (Kink = 47, Social = 12, Rebel = 124)

Description 2The higher your kink factor, the more likely you are to try something new.

The higher your social factor, the more likely you are to make sex a group activity.

The higher your rebel factor, the less constrained you are by social norms.

Take The 20 Question Sexual Experience Test at HelloQuizzy